Leadership-life Fit: Holding Boundaries

How often does the word “yes” just seem to fall out of your mouth when your entire body is screaming “no”? Identifying boundaries and a plan to honor them are keys to a quality leadership-life fit.

Amid the many people and situations calling for your attention throughout the day, it can be easy to agree to a meeting here, a favor there, a project, a report, and the list goes on. The cumulative effect of all of these “yeses” stays in the background until you get the first email reminder, the calendar invitation, the text, the call, and the other prompts to remind you of the commitments you generously made. You realize you need to be cloned.

How can you avoid overscheduling and overcommitting? These four tips can help.

1. Breathe. Before making any decision, take a deep breath. Pause. How does this request make you feel? If you aren’t sure, ask to get back to this person to give yourself time to think it through. If they’re demanding an answer immediately, then say, “I’m sorry. I need time.”
2. Apply the future test. Fast forward to next week, next month, next year... how will you feel about saying “yes” or “no” at each of those points in time?
3. Consider your energy levels. A full-body “yes” means saying “yes” to each of the following. If you don’t have a full-body “yes,” say “no.”
   1. Do you have the mental/cognitive energy required of this request?
   2. Do you have the physical energy
   3. Do you have the financial resource/energy to give to this?
   4. Do you have the emotional energy?
   5. Do you have the spiritual energy?
   6. Do you have the relational energy (is the relationship with this person making the request one that fuels you or drains you)?
4. Get comfortable saying “no.” Remember, allowing yourself to live with discomfort is your opportunity to grow. You do not own someone else’s disappointment (or anger, or frustration, or other emotional experience. They get to choose their response as do you). Try on different go-to lines until you find one that fits. Avoid kicking the decision down the line to a later date if you know now that you won’t ever want to do whatever is being asked—you'll leak energy until the decision rolls around again. Give yourself permission to say “no”!!
   1. That sounds like a great opportunity! Right now, I am really focused on X priority, and I am committed to having the time and energy to be at my best for that, so no, thank you.
   2. No. I don’t have the time and personal resources to give 100% to that.
   3. No, that doesn’t work for me.
   4. No, that doesn’t align to our current building/district priorities.
   5. No, that doesn’t fit into the demands of my current schedule.
   6. No.

What other go-to lines and advice do you recommend? Process in your mentoring partnership.